


Origami Tales

by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte), ArianaDeralte



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-12
Updated: 2009-12-11
Packaged: 2017-10-04 09:11:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianaDeralte/pseuds/Ariana%20Deralte, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArianaDeralte/pseuds/ArianaDeralte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The early life of Genjo Sanzo, in three parts. Warning: Contains humour. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Foundling

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Saiyuki and all attendant characters aren't mine. Most of the humour is.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Sylk.
> 
> Imported as is from ff.net. 

            Koumyou Sanzo was listening to a voice inside his head. In fact, he was talking to the voice inside his head. Now, in anyone else this would be rather worrisome, but since Koumyou was a holy Sanzo, we'll just say he's 'special' and leave it at that.

            The conversation went something like this:

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "Please, shut up…"

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "Shut up!"

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "You do realize you've been crying for at least twelve hours now?"

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "Are all children like this? It's a wonder anyone makes it to adulthood."

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "Shut the hell up!"

            "…"

            "Ah, good. I should curse more often."

            "Waaaaahh!"

            Koumyou whimpered.

            After five days of this, Koumyou had had exactly one hour of sleep, had advised an entire village that nudity and rice crackers would bring them closer to enlightenment, and was downing Essence of Lotus (for medicinal purpose only) like it was going out of style.

            Consequently, when the five armed men appeared, blocking Koumyou and his party from the Yangtze River, Koumyou took out his blessed double-barrel shotgun, Marcus ― Koumyou wasn't good at names ― and politely threatened to turn their leader into a bloody pulp if they didn't get out of his way.

            Contrary to popular belief, some thugs do have brains, and this group contained a total of two brains ― a veritable record. They took in the wild, uncombed hair, sutras that were wrapped around Koumyou's neck in a manner reminiscent of a scarf, the dilated pupils, and the shotgun being aimed steadily at them, and decided that they really didn't _need_ to defend their fishing grounds from a "harmless" group of monks.

            They ran.

            Now, Koumyou's attendants were of the opinion that their gentle and beloved Sanzo was being visited by a god. A god of madness who had a thing for rice crackers, perhaps. They knew better than to question Sanzo's odd behaviour, so one of them dared to pry Koumyou's hands off of the holy shotgun, Marcus, and led him down to the river's edge.

            They stood on the bank, watching the muddy waters rush by. The attendants pretended that Koumyou didn't have his hands clapped over his ears and wasn't muttering something about "needing a drink". Time passed, and eventually the attendants began to hear something as well.

            "Waaaaahh!" Faint at first, but getting louder.

            "Waaaaahh!" The cry continued, and a white speck appeared on the river. The attendants watched in amazement as the white speck resolved itself into a baby, floating on a piece of driftwood. At first, it looked like the river would float the child past them, but then an errant current caught the wood and pushed it up against the bank, right at Sanzo's feet. The red-faced, blond child was wrapped in white rags, secured by prayer beads.

            "Waaaaahh!"

            "You can shut up now!" yelled Koumyou. And there was no sound but the rush of the river. Sanzo sighed and bent down to pick up the child.

            "Look at that. He was swept here by the river," said one of the attendants.

            "Swept by the river right to Sanzo-sama's feet," said the other.

            Koumyou looked the child over critically. The voice had finally stopped, leaving his head empty and echoing.

            "Swept here by the river."

            "Swept by the river."

            "Swept."

            "Right," said Sanzo to the child. "We'll call you Bob."


	2. Early Life

            By the time they reached the temple over a week later, the attendants had convinced Koumyou Sanzo that Kouryuu was a better name for the child than Bob (or Bobryuu, his second suggestion). The attendants still remembered Jureii, who had taken a vow of silence after Sanzo had given him the title of Master Herbert.

            The years passed quickly. Koumyou learned to look forward to his young ward's tantrums since they invariably happened when he was in the middle of a lesson, necessitating his leaving to calm him down ― Kouryuu would ignore anyone else. It was better than his usual, "Look! A bird has been graced by Buddha with three wings!" ploy (followed by him sneaking out the window). After calming the boy down and indulging in some more Essence of Lotus (for medicinal purposes only), he would have time for himself, to make paper airplanes and smoke.

            When Kouryuu was too old for tantrums (despite Koumyou's encouraging him to be *cough* free with his opinions), Koumyou pretended to be privately instructing the child in the great Buddhist mysteries, though in reality he just taught the boy how to make a mean paper airplane. He did remember teaching the boy something about killing Buddha, but that was only to distract him from asking what was in the pipe Koumyou was smoking.

Let's fast forward a few years…

            Kouryuu was sweeping. What would have been unusual was for him _not_ to be sweeping. It was standard practice of all the monks to send Kouryuu sweeping if they ever spotted him idle. It was certainly better than him showing up at lessons and showing _them_ up.

            "Damn all the extra tutoring Sanzo-sama's been giving him," they muttered amongst themselves.

            Kouryuu winced as his paper cuts ground roughly into the handle of his broom and cursed his extra tutoring as well. He looked over at where Oshou-sama was folding paper airplanes on the temple steps, then went back to his sweeping. It was rumoured that there was an entire room filled with orange paper airplanes somewhere in the temple, though Kouryuu had never found it.

            "Kouryuu!"

            He looked up, then groaned. Kazuo was a new monk at the temple. Tall and always smiling ― to say Kazuo wasn't the brightest man in the world would have been an understatement. And then there was the monk's other problem…

            "I still don't understand how they can make a pretty girl like you do all this work," Kazuo said with a smile.

'An imbecile and a pervert,' thought Kouryuu.

"Let me do that for you," said Kazuo, reaching for the broom.

"I'm not a girl," said Kouryuu flatly, but handed him the broom nonetheless. He wasn't about to turn down a helping hand, and Kazuo's miniscule brain was perfectly suited to the task. Kazuo, as usual, didn't seem to hear his denial.

"Your golden hair and amethyst eyes have been haunting my nights. How cruel that you hide your figure beneath those robes!" He was sweeping so hard the leaves were falling dramatically around them. Kouryuu picked an orange leaf out of his hair, and moved to take back the broom. Kuzuo would only make more work for him if he kept sweeping like that.

"Oh, Kouryuu!" Kuzuo grabbed Kouryuu's reaching hand and pulled him into a tight embrace. Kouryuu froze. "I cannot meditate without your face in my mind. Run away with me!" He leant in for a kiss, and Kouryuu recovered from his shock. His knee snapped up at the same time as a heavy paper fan came down on Kuzuo's head. The monk collapsed.

"Oshou-sama!"

"Hmm?" Koumyou Sanzo tucked the paper fan back into his sleeve and smiled at his ward. "I believe it's time to move beyond paper airplanes. Tell me, Kouryuu, have you ever heard of origami?"

* * *

            They were sitting under one of the temple's fruit trees, folding paper as usual.

            "Master Isutomu of Hyôkai Temple sent me a package of hand-painted paper," said Koumyou cheerfully. He brandished a stack of brightly coloured paper. "It would be a shame to waste it."

            Considering the legendary rivalry between Master Isutomu and Sanzo-sama, Kouryuu reflected, it was a wonder Oshou-sama wasn't using the paper for _his_ waste disposal. Then again, the rumours said that Master Isutomu's gift had been a lot larger than the sheath of papers Oshou-sama held in his hand…

            Sanzo-sama chose a random piece of paper and started his usual paper airplane while Kouryuu looked the selection over eagerly. Since he wasn't allowed to touch Sanzo-sama's 'sacred' orange paper, he usually had to practice with newspaper, or if Oshou-sama was feeling particularly vengeful ― the misplaced copies of the students' sutras. Finally, Kouryuu settled on a paper painted in a brilliant green and blue scale pattern, and began to fold it into a dragon as Oshou-sama had taught him weeks before.

            He was only a few folds into the body of the dragon when Sanzo-sama finished his airplane. Standing up, he launched the plane across the orchard.

            "The blue and yellow paper look wonderful against the green of the trees," remarked Koumyou.

            "Beautiful," agreed Kouryuu. In fact, the plane looked a lot like a–

            There was a blur that plunged out of the sky, swooping down on the plane. The blur resolved itself into a hawk that proceeded to land on the grass in front of them and viciously rip the plane to shreds.

–bird.

"Perhaps you should stick to orange paper, Oshou-sama."

* * *

Thanks to Sylk for betaing.


	3. A Title

            Kouryuu paused outside the door to Koumyou Sanzo's room. He was looking forward to his new title with a certain amount of trepidation. It would be nice to have a title so he wouldn't have to listen to the idiots that served as priests at this temple, but he was well aware of Oshou-sama's predilection for bestowing horrible names on the unwary. At first, he had disliked the name that he had been given when he was found in the river, but then he had met Master Buttercup, making his own name seem normal in comparison.

            Sliding open the door, he stepped inside to find Sanzo-sama waiting.

            "You summoned me, Oshou-sama."

            "Sit down, Kouryuu." Koumyou gestured to the space in front of him.

            Kouryuu took a seat. There was a pile of orange paper on the floor in between them. He sat quietly, waiting for Sanzo-sama to speak, or at least stop smiling. Not that he had ever seen Sanzo-sama not smiling, especially when Sanzo-sama kept an excellent supply of Essence of Lotus (for medicinal purposes only) on hand at all times. Finally, his patience was rewarded.

            "It's time for you to use the orange paper, Kouryuu," said Sanzo-sama.

            "That's nice," Kouryuu said noncommittally.

            "You're wondering what this has to do with your title, aren't you?"

            "Yes, Oshou-sama."

            Koumyou Sanzo reached into his sleeve, pulled out a rolled up sutra, and unfurled it in front of him. He stretched it to its full length, but even then it was only a few feet long. There was barely enough to drape it over Koumyou's shoulders.

            Kouryuu leant forward. "Is that?"

            "Yes. This is the Maten sutra," said Koumyou.

            "It's a lot shorter than I expected," said Kouryuu. He had seen Sanzo-sama use the sutras before and they were much longer and more numerous. Perhaps the Seiten sutra was the long one?

            "The truth is the Buddhist gods never had that much to say. If I truly taught the lessons in my sutras, the path to enlightenment would take about four and a half days. I'd advise you to follow my path and avoid teaching all together in the future."

            Kouryuu's eyes widened as he finally realized what Sanzo-sama was getting at. "You're making me a Sanzo?!"

            "Well, yes." Koumyou gave him an even bigger smile than usual. "Personal strength and spiritual power are important, but the true skill every Sanzo needs is origami."

            "…"

            "Every Sanzo must supplement his own sutra with extra paper. I usually use the orange, but you can use anything. Other sutras, toilet paper - you can even use newspaper."

            "Newspaper?"

            "Yes. It looks about the same. Just don't use the comics section."

            "Oshou-sama!"

            "The sutra makes a good paper fan as well. That's why mine's so heavy."

            "I thought that was because you lined yours with iron," muttered Kouryuu.

            Koumyou chuckled and practiced an ability Kouryuu liked to call 'selective hearing'.

"Now practice a bit with that sutra while I find my red permanent marker so we can give you a charka. You can use the orange paper." Koumyou made it sound like the greatest honour in the world.

            Kouryuu opened his mouth to protest, closed it, opened it again, then shut it and ground his teeth together. There was no stopping Oshou-sama when he was in this mood. "Yes, Oshou-sama," he said with a sigh.

            "And the Sanzo garments, Kouryuu!" called Koumyou from the other room. Kouryuu pictured the distinctive garb with the sutras on the shoulders, and the strange black leather arm guards.

            "Yes?"

            "The arm guards are to protect you from paper cuts!"

            Kouryuu groaned softly and hoped he got away with a name that was better than Master Buttercup's.

* * *

            The events of the last night had been traumatic, disturbing and many other words the author can't be bothered to search the thesaurus for. Koumyou Sanzo was dead, but on the plus side, he'd actually managed to give Kouryuu a decent name before he died. A name, Kouryuu, no, Genjo was counting on to help him deal with the idiots that served as high ranking monks in the temple.

            "As I already told you," he ground out, "they were youkai."

            "Birds!" cried out a monk on his left. "A bird swept in and took the Seiten sutra!"

            "Nonsense," said Master Tai. "It was some type of vicious squirrel. Birds don't attack like that."

            "And squirrels do?"

            "I still say it was that brat," spat out Abe. He had held a grudge against Kouryuu ever since the day he had found his favourite sutra folded into an origami frog.

            "That was Oshou-sama," muttered Genjo. No one seemed to hear him. He raised his voice. "Isn't it more important to get the sutra back?"

            "Perhaps the squirrels and birds worked together!"

            "Let him speak!" called out Shuei.

            Genjo nodded his thanks to Shuei as the abbot motioned for silence. Once he had it, Genjo explained his intention of leaving the temple in search of Oshou-sama's killers  ― and a stiff drink, though he didn't mention that part.

            "It is the temple's responsibility," explained the abbot. "Letting him make paper airplanes all day can't have been good for his health."

            "I will reclaim my property," declared Genjo, tugging at the bandage around his forehead… a few minutes later, after one of the monks had fetched a knife to cut the bandage off, his charka was revealed.

Genjo ignored the abbot's rather loud mutter about how giving Koumyou his own permanent marker was a bad idea. The abbot subsequent, rolling about on the floor laughing, didn't help either.

Eventually, the abbot composed himself and conferred the title properly. He reached beside him and took up the golden crown that Genjo had last seen on Oshou-sama's head. "This is Koumyou Sanzo's crown. Be careful it doesn't melt in the rain. We think he made it out of paper mache."

And the cloth that was supposed to drape around his head was made of paper as well. Sanzo could hear it rustle. Was there anything that Koumyou Sanzo did that wasn't involving paper?

"We will get you some robes and then we shall decide what to do."

"I need to leave now," said Sanzo as calmly as he could, which wasn't very calm at all, but at least he wasn't strangling the abbot like he wanted too.

The abbot nodded amiably. "I know you wish to leave, but first we must settle the debate of who stole the sutra. How will you know if you're to search for a vicious squirrel or a nasty bird of prey?"

Sanzo nodded slowly, becoming aware of where Oshou-sama's supply of Essence of Lotus (for medicinal purposes only) had gotten to. The abbot would be no help. He would retire to his room, wait until they all were asleep, sneak into the armoury to get some firepower, sneak into his master's room to get some paper for his own sutra, and get out of this madhouse.

* * *

Epilogue

            Sanzo finished reading the last page of the paper ― Red head with Oedipus complex looking for blond bombshell with religious tendencies. Please send all replies to Houtou Castle ― and stuffed it up into his sleeve to use later. The idiots in the back had remained remarkably silent while he read, so he expected them to start up again any moment now.

            "Ne, Sanzo?" said Goku behind him.

He hated being right.

"How come you never let us read the paper when you're finished?"

            "Probably because he knows you won't be able to read any words not related to food, bakazaru," said Gojyo.

            "Shut up, erokappa! I can read lots of words."

            "Like fried, sautéed and deep dish, right?" said Gojyo smugly.

            "I can read lots of words," Goku insisted. "Octopus and squid and chicken and pickles and cheese and…" The list went on endlessly.

            Sanzo attempted to tune it out, feeling a nerve in his forehead begin to throb. As if it had a will of its own, his hand crept into his sleeve and expertly began folding the front page of his discarded newspaper into another paper fan ― number 783 of the journey, to be precise.

Goku could read the paper in the mirror, since its words were going to be printed across his forehead when Sanzo smacked him with it.

The End

  


* * *

Thank you to everyone for reading and thanks to Sylk for betaing.


End file.
